Wash Your Butt After Using The Toilet

I think I have lost count of the many friendly arguments I have engaged in when it comes to personal hygiene. Sure, the majority of the people that I know will take a shower at least once a day, and that is a good way to start. But, not all the time can you have the luxury of splashing yourself with water whenever you are dirty. So, the question for this article, what do you do whenever you

have to use the toilet away from home?

The majority of the adults that I know tend to have jobs that take them away from home for the whole day. That means that, for the duration of the day, they are at the mercy of when mother-nature calls, wherever that may be. So, if they get a swirly feeling in their stomach, they would have no choice but to use a toilet to let everything out. I am sure that is a great feeling of relief. What is not great is the aftermath, such as having a stench that can be smelled coming through their pants. The horror!

We have to throw it out in the open: when people finish using the toilet, they are not doing the necessary work in order to get rid of the bad smell that they are carrying. The typical action after crapping is to use toilet paper, until all of the brownish stuff disappears. Sounds simple, right? Well...not to me.

I heard a story coming from comedian Sarah Silverman describing how Norm MacDonald once called her out for smelling like feces. Sarah had just gone through a bad case of diarrhea, and obviously the smell was strong enough to go through her clothes. Maybe she should have washed herself. Here is a link to that story.

Now we are getting to the point of the matter: people need to wash their butts after crapping. It is not simply enough to take toilet paper to wipe yourself clean. It is a matter of principle that you do not want to be smelling like a pile of unmentionable human-waste.

I am going to put out a hypothetical point: If I finish using the toilet, would you find it acceptable if I simply used toilet paper to just wipe off every single fecal matter from my hands? Would it soften the blow if I wipe my hands with odored hand-sanitizer so that we could shake hands. Wait...you have a problem with shaking my hands??? You say that wiping my hands is not good enough??? So, why is simply wiping your butt with toiler paper good enough for you?!

People: wash your butts with soap and water after cleaning yourselves with toilet paper. The people next to you will appreciate it, and so will your underwear garments.

Here are some tips:

* If at home, feel free to take a shower, or just use the bathroom sink.
* If at a friend’s house, feel free to use their bathroom sink to wash away.
* If at work, and with private toilet, feel free to use their bathroom sink to wash away.
* If at work, and with a multi-stool restroom, make sure to take baby-wipes with you.

The point is that people should not be complacent with simply wiping themselves, thinking they can make crap disappear. It will not! It will stain your underwear with brownish, smelly human-excrement.

Here is another tip: carry a small, clean rag with you to dry yourself after washing yourself.

I know that this whole article is weird. I simply feel very strongly when it comes to this subject.